Recognising mindset as a factor and going from solution-mode to listening-mode
Sometimes, we forget to listen with empathy. Instead, we jump straight into solution mode. This recently happened to me when I was attending a conference on digital nomadism and remote work.
During an open fish bowl session a women stands up and ask a question. Armela, a digital marketer from Albania running a small agency Melabuzz. She was looking to get into remote working and work on international projects that was more exciting, rewarding and challenging but felt like her mindset was holding her back from attracting better clients.
I quickly jumped to answering the question with a solution. You’re having a business problem, right? You can do this… and that… to gain more traction. Jumping into solution mode. As soon I said this, I felt something was not right. Although I didn’t know it right in that moment I learned a lesson.
Before carrying on, let me establish that I unfortunately didn’t get the full back story of the woman and as the conference came to an end I didn’t get to speak to her again. However, it tought me a lesson. And perhaps somehow she also finds her way to this post.
The Lesson I Learned
In my eagerness to solve the problem I completely forgot to listen. Empathy and support, that is what she needed. Not me approaching this as a business problem. Instead of jumping straight into solution-mode I should have recognized the mindset challenge and affirmed how I, and everyone else who is self-employed or running their own business, struggles with mindset challenges.
We often know exactly what needs to be done but we don’t do it because we lack the support, the confidence or the trust. Our mindset is holding us back from creating the life we dream of.
If I could do a retake here is how my response would have been.
Thank you!
Thank you for having the courage to stand up and give words to something that is such a fundamental, yet often neglected, aspect of being your own boss. To be self-employed, a freelancer, a business owner comes with a lot of emotional and mental pressure. By asking this question you bring awareness to something that needs to be addressed more. In a world of hard skills we need to learn skills and create environments that foster a healthy mindset and essentially mental well-being.
Our mindset is basically constructed by what we believe. About ourselves, about others and about the world. So when our mindset is holding us back it is often related to limiting beliefs. Beliefs like:
- I’m not good enough or smart enough to do that
- People like me don’t get projects like that
- I don’t have the right education for that
- I’m introverted so I could never speak in public
- I’ll never be able to do that
Have you ever felt something like that? I have. And I still do.
You are not alone!
My claim is that everyone who has ever tried to become self-employed or to start a business are fighting with mindset on a regular basis. Working for oneself can be lonely but it is important to emphasise that you are not alone.
Firstly, we have to accept that they are there - and that it’s okay. Limiting beliefs are a constant area of work for all of us. Although it’s rarely shown or spoken of.
Secondly, identifying the underlying elements of the limiting belief is of utmost importance. Get specific! Write them down. Analyse them. What are they really about? And most importantly, time must be taken to assess if they actually are a true representation of reality. Only then can we start reframing our mindset.
Thirdly, we have to challenge these beliefs both individually and collectively. Individually, you can do this by taking time to reflect upon your limiting beliefs without judgement. Collectively, you can do this by building healthy support networks and seek out safe environments where there is room to fail, to learn and to grow.
Reframe the belief.
Because we’re are talking about beliefs here it’s possible to reframe them to become a positive belief. I’m going to show up with and do my best. The mistakes I make are not a sign that I’m not good enough but a sign that I’m human and I’m learning. I’m brave enough to show up.
Is there a way that you turn your limiting belief into an empowering belief? What is one small step you can make to reframe that belief? Do I already have a group of people that I can lean on in this process or do I need to seek out and connect with people that can inspire me and motivate me in this process of reframing.
You are enough but me telling you is one thing - you need to believe it.
You are the voice of all of us
That woman in the audience she speaks the voice of all of us. The struggles of all us. The limiting beliefs of all of us. You deserve to become what you ultimately know that you are capable of. The process can be scary. It can be lonely. It can be hard. But it’ll also be fun and rewarding. You are not alone and this is not a race, we are all just taking one step at the time. Next time I’ll respond to the question with empathy before practicality.
Let us not be limited by our beliefs - and let’s not stay silent about the importance of our mindsets.